As lovely as it may sound, chores have a huge toll on my history. Today, I actually called and asked my mom how old I was when I started washing dishes and she told me I was four years old. (Can you believe that? Most four year olds are just starting to read....Sounds sort of sweat shop-ish, but I swear it wasn't that bad!) I remember pushing a metal folding chair towards the sink in order to be able to reach the faucet. Interestingly enough, I learned a lot of my common sense from washing dishes as well as many aspects of my perfectionist attitude when it comes to cleaning now because my mom would yell at me for oily spots that I missed or if I didn't wipe off the sink and toss the garbage that collected into the sink by the strainers.
Every year, my mom would complain about acre prices, yet we'd have a garden. My mom and I would always wake up at about 4AM, pack our lunch/dinner, hats, and hoes, and drive to the garden to weed it. I remember when the plants would start sprouting and I'd ask her to tell me what was/wasn't a weed. Gardening with my mom really defined my work ethic, which was "work more than your butt off until the end". I remember constantly thinking "I have to work harder so that I can get more done than mom, so she doesn't have to work as hard" and "I can't take a break yet, because mom hasn't". No matter how much I dreaded going to the garden, year after year, week after week, I continued to go for my mom's sake and for my own. Might I add that it was a godsend when my mom and my aunt pitched in to buy a tiller.
It really didn't hit that I was a hard worker until I was about 10 years old. Every Sunday was laundry day and usually I had my family with me, but for some reason [that I can't remember], my mom needed me to do the laundry by myself. You might be thinking it couldn't of been that bad, but doing laundry at the laundromat for a family of 8 equated to 1 hour of washing and approximately 3 hours of drying and folding. Well, I was at the end of my last load when my mom showed up and saw how far I had gotten; I could honestly say, I think she was pleasantly surprised, but even more-so when a random older (like grandma old) Hmong lady came up to her and told her how hard of a worker and how good of a daughter I was. They exchanged a couple words and I could hear my mom complimenting me to the lady and all I did inside was jump for joy. Slightly clique to of been jumping for joy from a parent's approval, but it happened and I was proud.
The history of my name has somehow come to define me even though there barely a story to tell. I honestly believe (although they will not admit) that my parents did not understand the difference between a boy and girl's American name and planned on calling me William when I was born. I like to think that somehow a doctor
convinced them to write an "N" instead of an "M" because I was a girl, but I'll never know. I went from Kindergarten to Third grade being called Willie, which was fine..... and then you got to the stage where kids started noticing that only guys were called Willie and started calling me out on it.... even though the name Willie was a popular girl's name from 1880-1960 (according to some baby names website). From those days until my high school days, I cursed my real name, threw it into a box and insisted that everyone call me "Lee" which was my Hmong name. I've definitely become more confident now by letting people use my real name and have stopped having mental breakdowns every time someone calls me William, except for that cursed associate at Marshalls that asks who William is and if she can see my ID and then apologizes and asks if I was named after my father every time I get helped by her (it has happened three times now!!). -_- I might just have to head smash her a bit.
Despite my name part, I believe this is a grand narrative of what the Asian work ethic is, but more specifically what the oldest daughter from a Southeast Asian culture is supposed to be like.... or something to that extent...
I read through your blog and I liked it, the parts about where you worked hard and was jumping for joy as soon as your mom was talking to that lil ol lady and saying you were such a hard worker...I think to some extent we all work to live the grand narrative that you're describing, the one about us kids trying to please our mothers any way that we could. Whether it's working our butts off in school to get good grades, doing your chores and doing the best you could at them, and for me, hanging around at home when everyone else is gone just so my mom had some company and wouldn't be all alone.
ReplyDeleteI think the work ethic that includes working your hardest isnt a trait of the asians but a trait of anyone who wants to make it in this world, more so with people of color. The older kids in the family are expected to do more and to take care of the younger ones, like I had to take care of my sisters when my mom was working all the time and so I had to be a lil 'mother' to them because nobody was going to take care of them unless I did it. I think you should be proud that you worked so hard and that you helped your mom out with so many things, whether you know it or not, you made her load a little lighter than normal by doing those things.
Yeah very good point. I was more-so making a point of the fact that there is that stereotype where Asian people (and many minorities) are hard workers, and how, even though there is that stereotype, this is the way I got my work ethic. Obviously, people who want to make it are gonna work harder for what they want to accomplish.
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your post, mainly because hearing the environment you grew up in is very different from mine. I can't even imagine what taking care of 8 people would be like. I agree that people who want to make it are going to work harder for what they want, and I think you growing up in these circumstances allowed you to realize it at a much younger age than some. I really liked how you used the idea that you basically grew up surrounded and being involved in a 'grand narrative', but you turned it into something positive. I think this is a perfect example of how potentially challenging environments can be benefited from, and in your case, allowed you to establish really good qualities.
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