The reason why my life turned out the way it did? That’s not a simple question, probably not even for the most ‘simple-life’ person because there’s so many things that contribute to who you are and why you live the way you do.
I suppose the first thing I should say is that my mom has a lot to do with the way I grew up and the way I live now. One could say that her life wasn’t the easiest but then I would be lying if I said that she had a ‘normal life’, the one where she graduated from high school and college, got married, had kids, and is still in love with the same guy. Oh and they live in a nice big house and are too-happy-to-be-true…come to think of it the ‘American Dream’ and the ‘Perfect life’ is a grand narrative that hardly exists anymore…
Anyway my mom’s mom took care of her but left her, her sister, and her brother alone to take care of themselves when my mom was 11. Apparently grandma didn’t want to take care of them anymore…but she came back at a later time, course, my mom had to grow up and take care of her sister and brother. Once things had settled down, my mom met my dad and started to have kids when she was 15 and didn’t stop til she was 19 maybe 20 years old. By the time she was my age (I’m 19 but soon to be 20) she had 4 kids and a couple years later had 1 more. But my youngest brother died so she only has us 4 now. My brother is the oldest at 20, then me at 19, then my sister at 18, then my youngest sister at 17, then my youngest brother if he were here would be 15 I think. Anyway, one thing I’m proud to say is that we all have the same dad, which not a lot of native american women can claim nowadays, which is sad. Then my dad left and we moved to New York where she raised us on a single income at my grandmas house. Story of a low-class indian huh?
I guess you could also say that grand narratives had shaped my life as well since my mom lived a stereotypical one, the story about colored women who’s men leave them as soon as they have kids and the mama’s are left to raise/carry-on with the babies the dad left behind, who work 2 jobs to make ends meet, and are perpetually poor no matter what. Also the story about women who live on the rez are destined to drop out of high school, have babies, end up being young grandmothers, work on the rez their whole life, who are alcoholics and drug addicts…my mom might be an alcoholic but she did the best she could in raising us better than she was so we didn’t have to live the grand narratives she had to live through.
All the time she was telling me and my brother and sisters to not have babies before we were ready, to get an education, to live life, and to get out ‘there’ and see the world, basically just do the stuff she never did because she had to stop her life when she had us. Sure our skin color and class had everything to do with our life, but I’m here right? I’m almost 20 years old and I don’t have any kids, I live on the rez, I graduated high school with honors (I was the salutatorian), and now I’m in college 1000 miles away from home but I feel pretty damn good. My sisters and brother don’t have kids either, neither do my auntie’s boys, and neither does my uncle’s girls.
My life is very different from my mom’s, it might fit into the few and far between ‘success’ stories of native americans. My whole view of the world is and can be seen through my mother’s eyes, I’m just now starting to see the world through my eyes. So here I am, not living the grand narrative about native american women…I’m not sure what to call that exactly…I live in Steamburg, NY, on the edge of the Seneca Nation of Indians Reservation. Onondowaga’ni’ah.
Wow, while reading this I honestly felt i was reading my own life story. My mom's mom left her when she was 12, she got pregnant at 15, had 3 kids, and then my dad left because he was an aloholic. I am not a Native America, I came from a typical white American family, but the grand narratives you spoke of really fit well. Growing up with parents who fit the typical grand narrative life can really hold a person back, and make some believe their life is in store for the same thing. But, as you stated, you're going out there and experiencing all your mom could not, and you're switching you're life story out of that grand narrative of a typical Native American family and that is amazing.
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